How are you doing, really?
This spring hit us hard, didn’t it. And it never really let up. We’re all scrambling. We’re all uncertain. We ‘re all finding new ways to be strong and free and whole.
Today I’m listening to John Eddie sing “Don’t let me down easy” and planning ways to go further off the grid. I have a beautiful, new ice box beside my panty and a bubbling sourdough starter on the counter beside the jars of kombucha and kraut.
If it sounds like my homesteading life is thriving, it is. But uncertainty and fear is bubbling under the surface. I feel like I can handle a lot of the darkness this world is throwing at me, but it’s a delicate balance. Somedays, I’m just an overwhelmed girl from the suburbs. Somedays, I just want to curl up in a world full of pretty bookshops and smoky diners.
I remember being sixteen and drinking too much coffee in the smoking section of Denny’s with friends. Worrying about all the wrong things.
I’m glad I’ve left that world behind – now my pretty bookshops are dustier and full of well-worn surprises, and diners are never smoky now, so I just drink my coffee at home. That world is full of mouths bound up with rags and dry, sanitized hands. It smells like loneliness out there, and every time I venture out my heart is heavier.
So I’ve been filling my house with plants, and scenting the air with patchouli and rosewood. I’m baking bread and pies, tilling the soil and tending my birds. I’m not sure what my homestead, or this blog, will look like by the end of 2020; but after months in deep retreat-mode, I think I’m waking up.
What about you? How are you weathering the storm?