How are you doing, really?
This spring hit us hard, didn’t it. And it never really let up. We’re all scrambling. We’re all uncertain. We ‘re all finding new ways to be strong and free and whole.
Today I’m listening to John Eddie sing “Don’t let me down easy” and planning ways to go further off the grid. I have a beautiful, new ice box beside my panty and a bubbling sourdough starter on the counter beside the jars of kombucha and kraut.
If it sounds like my homesteading life is thriving, it is. But uncertainty and fear is bubbling under the surface. I feel like I can handle a lot of the darkness this world is throwing at me, but it’s a delicate balance. Somedays, I’m just an overwhelmed girl from the suburbs. Somedays, I just want to curl up in a world full of pretty bookshops and smoky diners.
I remember being sixteen and drinking too much coffee in the smoking section of Denny’s with friends. Worrying about all the wrong things.
I’m glad I’ve left that world behind – now my pretty bookshops are dustier and full of well-worn surprises, and diners are never smoky now, so I just drink my coffee at home. That world is full of mouths bound up with rags and dry, sanitized hands. It smells like loneliness out there, and every time I venture out my heart is heavier.
So I’ve been filling my house with plants, and scenting the air with patchouli and rosewood. I’m baking bread and pies, tilling the soil and tending my birds. I’m not sure what my homestead, or this blog, will look like by the end of 2020; but after months in deep retreat-mode, I think I’m waking up.
What about you? How are you weathering the storm?
Y is For Home! 
Thank you. Reading your blog is like taking a huge gulp of fresh air. Even though I try to stay rather disconnected from the noisy chaos of our country, I find myself all-too-often getting wound up in the frenzy. “It smells like loneliness out there” really strikes me as so fitting for what so many cities are going through right now. Thinking about your homestead, and seeing how you strive for a simple life of nurturing beauty is such a needed reminder that I shouldn’t be afraid to step back from it all.
Lately, I’ve been thinking about how much of my pregnancy (I’m currently 37 weeks along with my third child) has been overshadowed by the isolation and desperation of the pandemic, politics, racism, and every other issue that has been rearing it’s head in the public sphere. The past couple months have been really hard emotionally and mentally. My husband and my midwife are both very supportive and between them, therapy, and the grace of God, I’m doing much better-and I’m coming to a place where I can savor and enjoy these precious final weeks of pregnancy. I am grateful for God and the sacraments, grateful for my husband and children, and grateful for moments of tolerable weather where we can walk outside and hear birds sing as we chat with elderly neighbors on front porches.
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Oh my goodness yes! I can see how this time would be such a worrying time be awaiting birth! You have so many prayers coming from me! And if I can find it, there’s a poemI think you would love about welcoming babies in unsettled times! I will look for it and comment with it when I find it!
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Thank you so much, Masha! That poem sounds wonderful, too-if you come across it I would love to read it 🙂
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I agree with what was said above – some days when it all feels too much I pop over here to see if you’ve said anything new. A huge breath of fresh air. Keep doing what you’re doing – and I hope you’ll keep writing about it too đź’—.
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Thank you so much! It took me so long to come back during this whole situation, but I’m really excited to be writing again!
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